Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
