I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
