if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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