Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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