i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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