Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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