OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
