i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
