Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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