He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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