I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
