Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
