You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
