Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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