What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
