so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
