So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she told me i tasted like america
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
