If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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