butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
