Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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