And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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