I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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