walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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