he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You ruined the universe
Holy shit dude........stairs
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
