And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
