Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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