Plan B is the new Plan A
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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