we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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