If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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