well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
