Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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