just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
