I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
