When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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