How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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