her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
