Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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