I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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