I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Found the puke drawer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
