The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
