There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
