oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
