Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
