Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
