Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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