Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
