This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
