And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
