I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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