Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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