she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
