Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
