Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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