I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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