remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
