I skipped work to stalk him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
