If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
