everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
