like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
