They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
send nudes
from the living room?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
