Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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