i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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