Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
