he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize