Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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