I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
