i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
