she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
