Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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