I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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