yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sober January is a disaster.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
