Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
