It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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