you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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