tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
