I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
