Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
