one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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