Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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