There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
