The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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