Got a toothbrush?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
