It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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