Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
