I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
