The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
