I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
