This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
