You just made me feel so damn special
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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