but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I will be naked everywhere
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
