Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
