I'm gonna have a badass scar
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
