Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
