I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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