my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
